Power Pigtails

wearing pigtails and being an athlete at the same time

Football Stories

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I decided to quit the football team half-way through the season of my senior year. It was a bit traumatic, and this piece of writing is a little intense and embarrassing to read now, but sometimes I like to remember how I felt at the time and I’d be interested to see if anyone else has ever felt similarly frustrated.

No, you don’t know what it’s like to be me. To be a girl. To work ten times as hard and still be nothing. I take beatings just to show I can. I will never be satisfied with what I am and I will never understand why it means so much to me.
I quit the football team because they changed the practice time and I was scheduled to work. Ed, my manager, would have understood. The coaches would have just made me surf. but I was so tired of being a girl and awful.
The day I quit I bought a box of special K at the grocery store. I don’t know what possessed me, but I had to have it. I ran into coach Turner in the store. Of all the football coaches on the staff, Turner was the one I respected the most. He was the first to accept me, the first to believe in me. I knew he saw how hard I worked. But that night he looked at me and said the worst thing I could have heard from his mouth. He looked at me and flatly said, “I never pegged you as a quitter Suzie.” I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t say anything in response. So I walked away with my cereal.
I wanted so bad for him to acknowledge what I’d endured the past two years. but how do you express to someone that the stoic face you put on in practice is all a show? That really, you go home at night and cry and scream and rage because you’ll never be as good as a boy. And no matter how many times you dream that you’re a superstar, you always wake up and realize you’re still the hardest working and worst player on the team.
What for? I can’t make anyone understand that. Why do I struggle so hard for things that will come to nothing? I don’t need more reasons to hate my life.
So I went home and told my mom that I had quit the team. Then I proceeded to cry my eyes out over a bowl of special K. I couldn’t tell the story to her, I just sat there and cried until I couldn’t anymore.
The next morning my mom left me a note. I wish I still had it, but I think I tore it up after reading. There is only one half sentence that I remember- “Suzie, I can’t understand why leaving the football team seemed to upset you so much.”

Now I buy special k whenever I hate myself.

Written by powerpigtails

October 15, 2009 at 11:14 pm

Posted in High School Stories

Tagged with ,

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